On the day I left my 9 to 5, it was 1996 – the era of the Gray Cubicle. My firing was fortuitous since by then my job had become intolerable. I experienced a bunch of different promotions in the sixteen years I worked at this insurance company. File clerk, receptionist, site coordinator (my favorite job!!), accounts receivable, data entry…probably others. I was unsuited to work in accounting (I do words well…I suck with numbers), the company was downsizing and using any little excuse to fire people. Every day, we wondered who was next. As you can imagine, office morale was in the gutter.
My turn came on October 2, 1996. I knew it was coming since I was targeted by my supervisor for some time. She said “JUMP” and if it wasn’t the exact right height, I got written up. Then I was put on probation. Unless I accomplished some obviously impossible task they’d have no choice but to “let me go.” I even took work home on weekends to try and catch up. But there was something wrong with that, too.
If this happened twenty-five years later when I have no tolerance for BS I would have just walked out with a request to kiss my a**, with faith that there are much better opportunities for me. But I hadn’t yet learned that truth.
I swore I would NEVER work for a corporation ever again…and didn’t.
It was a perfect example of holding on to a job too long. Life had other plans too, and allowed me an exit, although an ungraceful one.
I had applied to that company and took the job offered as a result of a low opinion of my abilities. I believed I wasn’t “qualified” for much of anything. I’ve concluded that there are people who, in the absence of overwhelming and obvious evidence otherwise, see only failure – for themselves as well as others. Well, I didn’t know that then. I hadn’t yet started questioning “who makes everybody else an expert on me, that they know better than I do what I’m capable of?” Now of course I don’t usually give a rat’s ass about anyone else’s opinion. Everybody has one and they all stink!
Maybe I wasted 20 or 30 years of my adult life. Here’s the facts: If somebody you care about says things that make you feel bad or apologetic about yourself, they’re dead wrong.
If only I knew then what I know now….yada yada yada. I’m dropping it on you now to save years of your life. This is the short-and-sweet version of why I created Positive Madness!. All of us could have a more juicy and joyful life if not for the internal obstacles that trip us up. My quest is for you to be free from all of that so you can start living ASAP.
Photo by Jeffery Erhunse on Unsplash